Summer is fast approaching and although the (Scottish!) weather hasn’t quite caught up just yet, wedding season is just around the corner. Weddings can be stressful for anyone, but if you’ve recently been through a divorce or separation, this season of love can be a particularly distressing prospect.
On the other hand, weddings are also a great opportunity to re-ignite old friendships that got squeezed out during your marriage or relationship or meet new people and broaden your circle.
To make the wedding season a bit less overwhelming, try to evaluate each invitation as you receive it, and consider a few key things:
1. Who is the happy couple to you?
If you aren’t sure you’d like to go to the wedding, consider how important it is that you attend. Is the wedding for close friends or is it an office colleague you don’t often talk to? If the wedding is for your best friend, you should definitely consider attending, even if you feel hesitant to get out there. However, if the soon-to-be wedded are not particularly close to you, you may find it more comfortable to send your regards and skip the event.
2. What if your ex-partner will be there?
At one time your lives were intertwined, so it’s likely that many of your friend groups overlap and he or she may be invited to the same weddings as you. If you are looking forward to a fun night out at a wedding, you should not let your divorce or separation keep you from making new, happy memories. If you don’t wish to be seated near your ex, most couples would be happy to seat you away from each other.
3. Should you bring a plus one?
Don’t bring a new person that you’ve just started dating unless you really want to spend the evening with them. It might feel like a protective shield or a way to make your ex-spouse jealous, but it shuts down other romantic possibilities, or the prospect of making new friends. You could also bring a close friend or family member as your date but make sure it’s someone who can make you smile and help you enjoy the event for what it is.
4. What if someone asks you about your divorce or separation?
If the question comes up about your divorce or separation, consider telling the truth (provided it doesn’t send you into floods of tears). Have a line ready, and practice it if you need to – “Dave and I are splitting. It’s been a tough year, but I think we’re both relieved to have some clarity and the freedom to start moving forward.” Or “Jen and I split up… I can assure you the worst is over.” Aim to be frank without oversharing, and let them know that you are okay, (at least okay enough to come to a wedding).
5. What if you feel jealous of other happy couples?
Don’t make room for envy. At weddings, just like everywhere else, there are plenty of miserable couples out there masquerading as happy ones. You know better than anyone, since you’ve been there.
6. What if you just don’t feel ready to attend a wedding?
At this stage in your life, putting your needs and desires at the forefront can be a healthy way to make decisions. If you want to attend the wedding, go for it. Or, if you simply aren’t feeling up to it, know that it is okay to stay at home. Weddings can serve as a painful reminder of your separation, and the engaged couple will understand if you respectfully decline to attend.
However, don’t hide out forever. Take time to grieve and heal, of course, and then move forward with your new future.
