Welcome to the Divorce and Separation Wellbeing Hub
Welcome to the Johnson Legal Family Law Wellbeing Hub. At Johnson Legal, we care about our clients. We recognise that a dispute with your spouse or partner is one of the most stressful life events you may ever deal with.
We hope that the Wellbeing Hub will provide you with some guidance around how to support your mental wellbeing during a separation or divorce alongside signposting you to useful resources which may help you along your separation journey.
Why does separation or divorce affect our mental health?
When you’re going through a separation or divorce, it is natural to have feelings of worry, stress and anxiety which can have an impact on your mental health. The legal process itself can feel complex and alien, even with expert guidance. After the legal part is finished, there are the unknowns for the future.
It’s really important to take good care of your mental health during this process. This will support you to be in the best possible position to navigate through this challenging time, helping you to make strong, informed decisions to move forward with your life.
Johnson Legal Family Law Top Tips for looking after your mental wellbeing during a separation or divorce:
Family Journeys (𝐅𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐂𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬, 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐒𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬, 𝐌𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬)
×Family Journeys provides non-judgemental and affordable support for all families in crisis during a separation, especially when there is conflict. The charity also offers mediation services and are often appointed by the courts to assist in cases about contact disputes. The charity has designed their family connections services (child contact centres) to be fun and supportive so they provide a welcoming space for positive relationships to grow between children and separated parents. Family Journeys also offers intensive parent support, Parent coaching sessions to help separated parents with co-parenting, communicating with their ex, self-care and stress.
Contact details: [email protected], 0131 322 3863
One Parent Families Scotland (𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬, 𝐁𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐃𝐞𝐛𝐭 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫, 𝐂𝐨-𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠)
×One Parent Families Scotland works with and for single parent families, providing support services that enable them to achieve their potential and help create lasting solutions to the poverty and barriers facing many single parents and their children. Their website offers a budget and debt planner tool alongside a co-parenting plan and advice around benefits.
General contact details: [email protected], 0131 556 3899
Lone parent helpline contact details: 0808 801 0323
Please click on the icons to reveal our top tips
Allow yourself to feel your emotions
×- Supressing your feelings won’t allow you to move on any quicker and they’re more likely to come out in other less-productive ways, like anger or other emotional outbursts.
- The end of a relationship is often viewed as a grieving process. Your partner was most likely a huge part of your life and it’s really important to recognise your pain as much as you can.
- Every separation and divorce is different, so don’t get too worried about how long it takes you to feel better or how your friends or family think you should be feeling.
Your separation or divorce is not a personal failure
×- There are things that both partners could have done better, but that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you as a person or that you need to take ownership for the relationship breaking down.
- It could have been that you grew apart, weren’t compatible, or there were other issues at play.
- Try to avoid negative thought patterns and blaming yourself. Counselling can be a really helpful way to help yourself get out of an overthinking cycle and help you to process the relationship better.
Find the right Family Lawyer
×- Find a Family Lawyer you trust to guide you through the divorce process with care and compassion.
- Ensure your solicitor is driven by a person-centred approach, enabling you to speak openly and honestly, even at the most upsetting and difficult time in your life.
- Your Family Lawyer should minimise stress by giving you just the right mix of hard facts and solid advice, along with considered options, to secure the most cost-effective outcome.
Stay connected to friends and family
×You may feel that your social circle has shrunk or that being with people socially is generally a bit challenging. Other couples in your friendship group can also often feel 'threatened' when a marriage in the group is ending. Take small steps and arrange to meet someone for a coffee. You don't have to talk about what's going on but this will help you to build up connections. Counselling can also be helpful here as a safe place to let out your feelings so that you can manage your emotions better in the company of others.
- Shutting yourself off will only make you feel even worse, and it won’t improve your mental wellbeing.
- The people who care about you will still want to see you and support you through this difficult period.
- If someone is reminding you about what they think you did wrong, let them know that you hear them and appreciate their advice, but you don’t need to discuss it further. The situation is very rarely entirely black and white.
Incorporate healthier habits into your new routine
×- If you’re struggling, creating a weekly schedule or list will help you stay on track. If you’re still feeling overwhelmed, paying for a weekly cleaning service (if it’s within your means) can help you to get back on your feet. Alternatively, you could ask a friend or family member to help you to clear some things off your list.
- Eating healthily, staying physically active, getting quality sleep, and managing stress are all crucial aspects for supporting your mental wellbeing. Starting small by going for a daily 15-minute walk and gradually building this up is a great first step.
- Starting these healthy habits early-on is key, even though it may be tempting to let things slide when you’re feeling down. This will help you to adapt to your new routine.
Set healthy boundaries with your ex
×- Set new boundaries with your ex to help define your new relationship and keep it as healthy and civil as possible.
- You could set a time to talk once a week to go over any issues that you still need to resolve or stick to one method of communication like a purposefully designated email address for when you need to contact each other.
- If you share a workspace or other common areas like the same gym, try to time things to avoid frequently running into each other while your wounds are both fresh.
- If the situation is complicated and you can’t agree on anything, get an outside perspective from a Family Lawyer instead of getting into arguments.
If you have children, work towards a respectful co-parenting relationship
×- Although it may be difficult to be emotionally available for your children when you’re feeling down, it’s important to acknowledge their worries, talk to them about the divorce, and make sure they feel safe and loved by both parents.
- Talk and act in a respectful way towards your ex, and make sure they treat you the same way. Parental conflict is often more harmful for children than the actual separation. Don’t respond to comments that don’t require a response and might spark an argument.
Reach out if you need help
×- Talk to trusted friends and family members. Simply talking to a friend about how you’re feeling can lift a huge burden off your shoulders.
- Counselling or therapy can help you to work through your emotions in a healthy way, process grief, and prevent and treat other mental health issues.
- Relationship breakdown is challenging, and it is just as important for your GP to look after your mental health as your physical health. If you’re struggling mentally and things aren’t improving, consult your GP, be honest about how you are doing and tell them everything that’s going on.
Look to the future
×Many of our clients ask us if they can find happiness after a divorce or separation, check out our Head of Family Law and Director Beverley Johnson talking about this more below.
Remember that you are more than just who you were with your partner. You still have lots to offer the world, and the people you care about. You may be tempted to jump right back into dating to help fill the void. Check in with yourself and be aware of your motivations before getting seriously involved with someone new.
Above all, be kind to yourself
×- Don’t put pressure on yourself to bounce back immediately. Know that you will feel better eventually and that with some time, you will feel like yourself again.
- Treat yourself with the respect and kindness you deserve and invest in yourself and your personal growth.
Helpful Scottish organisations we refer our clients to
We regularly refer our clients onto other organisations and charities which can be very useful before, during and after a separation or divorce – especially when children are involved.
Our Family Lawyers have all volunteered their time with a number of these organisations including Scottish Women’s Aid, Shared Parenting Scotland, Father’s Network Scotland and the Scottish Child Law centre.
Please find a comprehensive list of helpful organisations below alongside their contact details and helpline details.
Shared Parenting Scotland is a charity that Johnson Legal regularly refer clients to as they provide support for parents who are involved in disputes about their children. Our Solicitor Advocate Fiona Mundy recently trained as a coach with the New Ways for Families programme, which aims to keep high conflict cases involving children away from court and supports parents to defuse conflict rather than escalate it.
Contact details: [email protected], 0131 557 2440
Family Journeys provides non-judgemental and affordable support for all families in crisis during a separation, especially when there is conflict. The charity also offers mediation services and are often appointed by the courts to assist in cases about contact disputes. The charity has designed their family connections services (child contact centres) to be fun and supportive so they provide a welcoming space for positive relationships to grow between children and separated parents. Family Journeys also offers intensive parent support, Parent coaching sessions to help separated parents with co-parenting, communicating with their ex, self-care and stress.
Contact details: [email protected], 0131 322 3863
Recommended by Senior Associate Hayley Mitchell
Scottish Women’s Aid is the leading organisation in Scotland working towards the prevention of domestic abuse. Senior Associate Nyree Conway was previously a trustee on the Scottish Women’s Aid Board and advises that the organisation is extremely supportive with links to legal firms and The Police. The charity also offers refuge accommodation for women and children.
General contact details: [email protected], 0131 226 6606
Helpline contact details: [email protected], 0800 027 1234
Recommended by Senior Associate Nyree Conway
The Scottish Child Law Centre offers free, expert legal advice on children’s rights and child law across Scotland via telephone and email. They provide a great first point of contact for a child regarding the breakdown of their parents’ relationship or if there’s residence or contact issues. They offer a free helpline manned by Solicitors who volunteer their time.
Senior Associate Nyree Conway previously volunteered on the helpline.
Advice line contact details: [email protected], 0300 3301 421
Recommended by Senior Associate Nyree Conway
Fathers Network Scotland aims to improve children’s lives through the positive involvement of dads, father-figures and whole families. The charity offers practical advice to Fathers by providing information, signposting and support to help give children the best possible start in life. They also champion father-inclusive practice through resources, training, events and community building.
Senior Associate Hayley Mitchell is on the Board of Directors for Fathers Network Scotland and has been regularly involved in the charity for many years.
Advice line contact details: [email protected], 0131 460 8256 (leave a message)
Recommended by Senior Associate Hayley Mitchell
One Parent Families Scotland works with and for single parent families, providing support services that enable them to achieve their potential and help create lasting solutions to the poverty and barriers facing many single parents and their children. Their website offers a budget and debt planner tool alongside a co-parenting plan and advice around benefits.
General contact details: [email protected], 0131 556 3899
Lone parent helpline contact details: 0808 801 0323
Relationships Scotland offers support to help with speaking to your ex-partner and agreeing arrangements for your children after divorce and separation. They run Parenting Apart information sessions and provide support for young people under 18. Check out their helpful resources for adults, children and young people here.
Contact details: [email protected], 03451192020
Dads Rock aims to improve outcomes for children in Scotland to ensure the best start in life by providing support to Dads and families. The charity offers weekly groups for Dads, male carers and Children (0-5yrs). Dad’s Rock also offers monthly Parenting Workshops for all Dads. Vulnerable young dads are offered one to one support to give young men the skills and confidence to enjoy the experience of being a Dad. New and expecting Dads who feel their mental health could be better are matched with highly-trained peer support volunteers, who are more experienced Dads, to give emotional support during this life changing time.
Contact details: [email protected], 07807498709
Citizens Advice Scotland offers practical advice to most legal situations, including separation or child issues alongside housing, benefits and employment issues. They also have list of family solicitors who can assist following the client’s initial enquiry.
Contact details: [email protected], 0800 028 1456 for the Scottish Citizens Advice Helpline to speak with an adviser at your local Citizens Advice Bureau.
Parenting Across Scotland provides support for parents and families through their information service and partners’ helplines. Parenting across Scotland is a partnership of charities which offers support to children and families in Scotland. They work together to focus on parenting issues.
Contact details: [email protected]
Children in Scotland brings together a network of people working with and for children, alongside children and young people themselves. They create solutions, provide support and develop positive change across all areas affecting children in Scotland. Enquire and Resolve are national services which offer advice, information and mediation on additional support for learning for children and young people, parents, carers and practitioners – this focuses on their education.
Contact details: [email protected]
Bright Light is the largest charitable provider of relationship counselling in Scotland, offering a range of services to people living in the Lothians including, individual and couples counselling and sexual relationship therapy.
They also provide a unique Family Therapy service for families and young people. Counselling is available in their dedicated counselling rooms in York Place and on line. You can refer yourself to Bright Light by using their registration service to set up counselling. ‘