Wellbeing Hub

Any separation can be very difficult to process, and you are allowed to be upset.

• Suppressing your feelings won’t allow you to move on any quicker and they’re more likely to come out in other less-productive ways, like anger or other emotional outbursts.
• The end of a relationship is often viewed as a grieving process. Your partner was most likely a huge part of your life and it’s really important to recognise your pain as much as you can.
• Every separation and divorce is different, so don’t get too worried about how long it takes you to feel better or how your friends or family think you should be feeling.

Relationships are complicated, and there are generally many reasons why things don’t always work out.

• There are things that both partners could have done better, but that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you as a person or that you need to take ownership for the relationship breaking down.
• It could have been that you grew apart, weren’t compatible, or there were other issues at play.
• Try to avoid negative thought patterns and blaming yourself. Counselling can be a really helpful way to help yourself get out of an overthinking cycle and help you to process the relationship better.

Surround yourself by friends and family who care about you. Keep getting out to see familiar faces and you will adjust to life after your ex-partner.
You may feel that your social circle has shrunk or that being with people socially is generally a bit challenging. Other couples in your friendship group can also often feel 'threatened' when a marriage in the group is ending. Take small steps and arrange to meet someone for a coffee. You don't have to talk about what's going on but this will help you to build up connections. Counselling can also be helpful here as a safe place to let out your feelings so that you can manage your emotions better in the company of others.

• Shutting yourself off will only make you feel even worse, and it won’t improve your mental wellbeing.
• The people who care about you will still want to see you and support you through this difficult period.
• If someone is reminding you about what they think you did wrong, let them know that you hear them and appreciate their advice, but you don’t need to discuss it further. The situation is very rarely entirely black and white.

After a separation or divorce, your routine will likely change. You may end up moving to a new home or taking on tasks that your partner used to manage. This can be an opportunity to develop healthier habits.

• If you’re struggling, creating a weekly schedule or list will help you stay on track. If you’re still feeling overwhelmed, paying for a weekly cleaning service (if it’s within your means) can help you to get back on your feet. Alternatively, you could ask a friend or family member to help you to clear some things off your list.
• Eating healthily, staying physically active, getting quality sleep, and managing stress are all crucial aspects for supporting your mental wellbeing. Starting small by going for a daily 15-minute walk and gradually building this up is a great first step.
• Starting these healthy habits early-on is key, even though it may be tempting to let things slide when you’re feeling down. This will help you to adapt to your new routine.

Think carefully about which lawyer to instruct – it is really important.

• Find a Family Lawyer you trust to guide you through the divorce process with care and compassion.
• Ensure your solicitor is driven by a person-centred approach, enabling you to speak openly and honestly, even at the most upsetting and difficult time in your life.
• Your Family Lawyer should minimise stress by giving you just the right mix of hard facts and solid advice, along with considered options, to secure the most cost-effective outcome.

Everyone’s situation is different and your future contact with your ex will depend on a variety of factors, including whether you have shared friends or children.

• Set new boundaries with your ex to help define your new relationship and keep it as healthy and civil as possible.
• You could set a time to talk once a week to go over any issues that you still need to resolve or stick to one method of communication like a purposefully designated email address for when you need to contact each other.
• If you share a workspace or other common areas like the same gym, try to time things to avoid frequently running into each other while your wounds are both fresh.
• If the situation is complicated and you can’t agree on anything, get an outside perspective from a Family Lawyer instead of getting into arguments.

Below are our top tips for working towards a respectful co-parenting relationship

• Although it may be difficult to be emotionally available for your children when you’re feeling down, it’s important to acknowledge their worries, talk to them about the divorce, and make sure they feel safe and loved by both parents.
• Talk and act in a respectful way towards your ex, and make sure they treat you the same way. Parental conflict is often more harmful for children than the actual separation. Don’t respond to comments that don’t require a response and might spark an argument.

Remember that you are more than just who you were with your partner. 

You still have lots to offer the world, and the people you care about. 

You may be tempted to jump right back into dating to help fill the void, but check in with yourself and be aware of your motivations before getting seriously involved with someone new.

Relationship breakdown is hard and for many it can quite literally be an emotional rollercoaster.

However, with a conscious commitment to adopting a constructive approach whilst tending to your own emotional and physical wellbeing, you can look to the future once more.

• Don't put pressure on yourself to bounce back immediately. Know that you will feel better eventually and that with some time, you will feel like yourself again.
• Treat yourself with the respect and kindness you deserve and invest in yourself and your personal growth.

Getting through difficult times like this often require several shoulders to lean on.

• Talk to trusted friends and family members. Simply talking to a friend about how you’re feeling can lift a huge burden off your shoulders.
• Counselling or therapy can help you to work through your emotions in a healthy way, process grief, and prevent and treat other mental health issues.
• Relationship breakdown is challenging, and it is just as important for your GP to look after your mental health as your physical health. If you’re struggling mentally and things aren’t improving, consult your GP, be honest about how you are doing, and tell them everything that’s going on.

Shared Parenting Scotland is a charity that Johnson Legal regularly refer clients to as they provide support for parents who are involved in disputes about their children. The New Ways for Families programme aims to keep high conflict cases involving children away from court and supports parents to defuse conflict rather than escalate it.

Contact details: info@sharedparenting.scot, 0131 557 2440

Family Journeys provides non-judgemental and affordable support for all families in crisis during a separation, especially when there is conflict. The charity also offers mediation services and are often appointed by the courts to assist in cases about contact disputes. The charity has designed their family connections services (child contact centres) to be fun.

Scottish Women’s Aid is the leading organisation in Scotland working towards the prevention of domestic abuse. Senior Associate Nyree Conway was previously a trustee on the Scottish Women’s Aid Board and advises that the organisation is extremely supportive with links to legal firms and The Police. The charity also offers refuge accommodation for women and children.

General contact details: info@womensaid.scot, 0131 226 6606

Helpline contact details: helpline@sdafmh.org.uk, 0800 027 1234

The Scottish Child Law Centre offers free, expert legal advice on children’s rights and child law across Scotland via telephone and email. They provide a great first point of contact for a child regarding the breakdown of their parents’ relationship or if there’s residence or contact issues. They offer a free helpline manned by Solicitors who volunteer their time.

Senior Associate Nyree Conway has previously volunteered on the helpline.

Advice line contact details: advice@sclc.org.uk, 0300 3301 421

Fathers Network Scotland aims to improve children’s lives through the positive involvement of dads, father-figures and whole families. The charity offers practical advice to Fathers by providing information, signposting and support to help give children the best possible start in life. They also champion father-inclusive practice through resources, training, events and community building.

Senior Associate Hayley Mitchell is on the Board of Directors for Fathers Network Scotland and has been regularly involved in the charity for many years.

Advice line contact details: info@fathersnetworkscotland.org.uk, 0131 460 8256 (leave a message)

One Parent Families Scotland works with and for single parent families, providing support services that enable them to achieve their potential and help create lasting solutions to the poverty and barriers facing many single parents and their children. Their website offers a budget and debt planner tool alongside a co-parenting plan and advice around benefits.

General contact details: info@opfs.org.uk, 0131 556 3899

Lone parent helpline contact details: 0808 801 0323

Relationships Scotland offers support to help with speaking to your ex-partner and agreeing arrangements for your children after divorce and separation. They run Parenting Apart information sessions and provide support for young people under 18. They also have lots of helpful resources for adults, children and young people.

Contact details: enquiries@relationships-scotland.org.uk, 0345 1192020

Dads Rock aims to improve outcomes for children in Scotland to ensure the best start in life by providing support to Dads and families. The charity offers weekly groups for Dads, male carers and Children (0-5yrs). Dad’s Rock also offers monthly Parenting Workshops for all Dads. Vulnerable young dads are offered one to one support to give young men the skills and confidence to enjoy the experience of being a Dad. New and expecting Dads who feel their mental health could be better are matched with highly-trained peer support volunteers, who are more experienced Dads, to give emotional support during this life changing time.

Contact details: Hello@dadsrock.org.uk, 07807 498709

Citizens Advice Scotland offers practical advice to most legal situations, including separation or child issues alongside housing, benefits and employment issues. They also have list of family solicitors who can assist following the client’s initial enquiry.

Contact details: enquiries@relationships-scotland.org.uk, 0800 028 1456 for the Scottish Citizens Advice Helpline to speak with an adviser at your local Citizens Advice Bureau.

Parenting Across Scotland provides support for parents and families through their information service and partners’ helplines. Parenting across Scotland is a partnership of charities which offers support to children and families in Scotland. They work together to focus on parenting issues.

Contact details: info@parentingacrossscotland.org

Children in Scotland brings together a network of people working with and for children, alongside children and young people themselves. They create solutions, provide support and develop positive change across all areas affecting children in Scotland. Enquire and Resolve are national services which offer advice, information and mediation on additional support for learning for children and young people, parents, carers and practitioners – this focuses on their education.

Contact details: info@childreninscotland.org.uk

Bright Light is the largest charitable provider of relationship counselling in Scotland, offering a range of services to people living in the Lothians including, individual and couples counselling and sexual relationship therapy.

They also provide a unique Family Therapy service for families and young people. Counselling is available in their dedicated counselling rooms in York Place and on line. You can refer yourself to Bright Light by using their registration service to set up counselling.