Welcome to the Wellbeing Hub

Any separation can be very difficult to process, and you are allowed to be upset.

• Supressing your feelings won’t allow you to move on any quicker and they’re more likely to come out in other less-productive ways, like anger or other emotional outbursts.
• The end of a relationship is often viewed as a grieving process. Your partner was most likely a huge part of your life and it’s really important to recognise your pain as much as you can.
• Every separation and divorce is different, so don’t get too worried about how long it takes you to feel better or how your friends or family think you should be feeling.

Relationships are complicated, and there are generally many reasons why things don’t always work out.

• There are things that both partners could have done better, but that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you as a person or that you need to take ownership for the relationship breaking down.
• It could have been that you grew apart, weren’t compatible, or there were other issues at play.
• Try to avoid negative thought patterns and blaming yourself. Counselling can be a really helpful way to help yourself get out of an overthinking cycle and help you to process the relationship better.

Think carefully about which lawyer to instruct – it is really important.

• Find a Family Lawyer you trust to guide you through the divorce process with care and compassion.
• Ensure your solicitor is driven by a person-centred approach, enabling you to speak openly and honestly, even at the most upsetting and difficult time in your life.
• Your Family Lawyer should minimise stress by giving you just the right mix of hard facts and solid advice, along with considered options, to secure the most cost-effective outcome.

Surround yourself by friends and family who care about you. Keep getting out to see familiar faces and you will adjust to life after your ex-partner.

• Shutting yourself off will only make you feel even worse, and it won’t improve your mental wellbeing.
• The people who care about you will still want to see you and support you through this difficult period.
• If someone is reminding you about what they think you did wrong, let them know that you hear them and appreciate their advice, but you don’t need to discuss it further. The situation is very rarely entirely black and white.

After a separation or divorce, your routine will likely change. You may end up moving to a new home or taking on tasks that your partner used to manage. This can be an opportunity to develop good habits.

• If you’re struggling, creating a weekly schedule or list will help you stay on track. If you’re still feeling overwhelmed, paying for a weekly cleaning service (if it’s within your means) can help you to get back on your feet. Alternatively, you could ask a friend or family member to help you to clear some things off your list.
• Eating healthily, staying physically active, getting quality sleep, and managing stress are all crucial aspects for supporting your mental wellbeing. Starting small by going for a daily 15-minute walk and gradually building this up is a great first step.
• Starting these healthy habits early-on is key, even though it may be tempting to let things slide when you’re feeling down. This will help you to adapt to your new routine.

Everyone’s situation is a different and your future contact with your ex will depend on a variety of factors, including whether you have shared friends or children.

• Set new boundaries with your ex to help define your new relationship and keep it as healthy and civil as possible.
• You could set a time to talk once a week to go over any issues that you still need to resolve or stick to one method of communication like a purposefully designated email address for when you need to contact each other.
• If you share a workspace or other common areas like the same gym, try to time things to avoid frequently running into each other while your wounds are both fresh.
• If the situation is complicated and you can’t agree on anything, get an outside perspective from a Family Lawyer instead of getting into arguments.

One of our Family Lawyers, Fiona Mundy recently trained as a coach with the New ways for Families training programme for separated parents and has compiled her top tips below.

• Although it may be difficult to be emotionally available for your children when you’re feeling down, it’s important to acknowledge their worries, talk to them about the divorce, and make sure they feel safe and loved by both parents.
• Talk and act in a respectful way towards your ex, and make sure they treat you the same way. Parental conflict is often more harmful for children than the actual separation. Don’t respond to comments that don’t require a response and might spark an argument.

Getting through difficult times like this often require several shoulders to lean on.

• Talk to trusted friends and family members. Simply talking to a friend about how you’re feeling can lift a huge burden off your shoulders.
• Counselling or therapy can help you to work through your emotions in a healthy way, process grief, and prevent and treat other mental health issues.
• Relationship breakdown is challenging, and it is just as important for your GP to look after your mental health as your physical health. If you’re struggling mentally and things aren’t improving, consult your GP, be honest about how you are doing and tell them everything that’s going on.

Many of our clients ask us if they can find happiness after a divorce or separation, check out our Head of Family Law and Director Beverley Johnson talking about this more below.

Remember that you are more than just who you were with your partner. You still have lots to offer the world, and the people you care about.

You may be tempted to jump right back into dating to help fill the void. Check in with yourself and be aware of your motivations before getting seriously involved with someone new.

Relationship breakdown is hard and for many it can quite literally be an emotional rollercoaster. Check out our Senior Associate Hayley talking about the different ways people respond to a divorce below.

However, with a conscious commitment to adopting a constructive approach whilst tending to your own emotional and physical wellbeing, you can look to the future once more.

• Don’t put pressure on yourself to bounce back immediately. Know that you will feel better eventually and that with some time, you will feel like yourself again.
• Treat yourself with the respect and kindness you deserve and invest in yourself and your personal growth.