The festive season is often a joyful time, especially for families. However, when parents separate, Christmas can become a source of stress and heartache, particularly when it comes to deciding where the children will spend the holidays. One common issue we hear is, “My ex had the kids for Christmas last year and won’t let me this year.” So, what can you do if you’re in this situation?
Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you navigate this difficult situation while keeping the best interests of your children at the forefront.
1. Review Your Existing Agreement or Court Order
If you already have a legally binding agreement or a court order in place for parenting arrangements, this is your first port of call. Many agreements include specific clauses around holidays like Christmas. Does the agreement state alternating years? Or do you have a set schedule that you can refer to?
If your ex is not adhering to the terms of the agreement, you may need to seek legal advice to enforce it. In Scotland, both parents are expected to respect court orders and parenting plans. Any breach could result in legal consequences for the non-compliant parent.
2. Open the Lines of Communication
Before jumping to conclusions or escalating the situation, try to have a calm, constructive conversation with your ex. Communication is key when it comes to co-parenting, especially around significant occasions like Christmas.
Ask why they are refusing to alternate the arrangement this year. There may be underlying reasons—perhaps they believe they have a good justification, such as travel plans or family commitments. While this doesn’t necessarily make it right, understanding their point of view can help you find a compromise.
When having this discussion, remember to keep the focus on the children and their well-being. Children benefit from spending meaningful time with both parents, and it’s important to model respectful communication and compromise in front of them.
3. Mediation as a Possible Solution
If discussions with your ex are becoming too difficult, or if you can’t agree on a solution, consider mediation. Mediation involves a neutral third party helping both of you reach a compromise without the stress and costs of going to court. It can be a great way to resolve disputes about Christmas or other special occasions.
Many family law mediators in Edinburgh are skilled at helping parents come up with creative solutions that suit everyone’s needs. For example, instead of splitting the day itself, some parents choose to celebrate on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day with the children. The key is to focus on what’s best for the kids rather than getting stuck on the date itself. Our team can help you to find the right mediator for your unique situation.
4. Going to Court for a Child Arrangements Order
If mediation fails or your ex continues to refuse access, you may need to apply to the court for a Child Arrangements Order. The Scottish courts always prioritise the best interests of the child when deciding disputes about where they will spend time.
When it comes to Christmas, the courts typically aim for fairness, often alternating holidays between parents. However, the court will also consider any unique circumstances that may affect the decision, such as the distance between parents’ homes or the child’s particular needs and wishes (depending on their age).
If you and your ex cannot agree on festive arrangements, speak to a Family Lawyer now to ensure your case can be heard before Christmas. It can take up to eight weeks to fix a court hearing and the courts are very busy in the lead up to Christmas. Check out our article in The Herald to find out more.
5. Future-Proofing: Create a Clear Holiday Schedule
One of the best ways to avoid future conflict is to create a comprehensive parenting plan that includes holiday arrangements, such as Christmas. A clear schedule will leave no room for confusion or dispute.
This can be done through mutual agreement between you and your ex, or with the help of an Edinburgh Family Lawyer. Having an agreed-upon schedule allows everyone, especially the children, to know what to expect year to year.
Your plan can be flexible too, as long as both parties agree. For instance, some parents alternate Christmas Day, while others prefer to split the day itself or celebrate Christmas on different dates. It’s also helpful to include other key holidays and special occasions, so that both parents feel they are equally involved in these important moments of the child’s life.
6. Always Keep the Children’s Best Interests in Mind
In any family dispute, it’s crucial to keep the children’s well-being as the priority. Christmas can be an emotionally charged time, but it’s important to remember that the children should not feel caught in the middle of a conflict.
Children cherish time spent with both parents, and a positive, cooperative approach to shared parenting creates a healthier environment for them. Showing flexibility, compromise, and putting their needs first will not only benefit them but can also pave the way for smoother co-parenting in the long run.
How Can Johnson Legal Family Law Help Me?
If you are facing issues with Christmas co-parenting arrangements, don’t hesitate to reach out to us for support. Our team of experienced Edinburgh family lawyers can provide the guidance and support you need. Whether it’s through mediation or legal action, we’re here to help you navigate these challenging situations with the best possible outcome for you and your children.
We offer all our clients a free, 15-minute consultation call with one of our Edinburgh solicitors to determine how we can help. Call our office on 0131 622 8477 email [email protected] or submit your enquiry here.
